22 June 2026 is a date I will never forget.

On that day, I underwent sphincter repair surgery to repair injuries caused by a fourth degree tear during the birth of my first child ten years ago.

To many people, it may have sounded like the end of a medical journey.

For me, it was the reopening of a wound that had never truly healed.

This baby was the little miracle our families had been waiting for. Pregnancy didn’t give me the ‘glow’ I was hoping for. Some people make it seem like it should be enjoyed every second of every day. However, mine was treated with a few scares right from the get go and numerous trips to triage, along with a low-lying placenta that thankfully, well maybe not so thankfully after all, moved at the last minute.

It’s ironic that I was once a lawyer on One Born Every Minute. I watched loads of births; unedited. I looked aghast at the ones that went wrong; the worst of which became my first birth experience: shoulder dystocia. A process not unlike a calf being extracted forcibly from its mother by a strong-armed vet, and with as little dignity. 

After a traumatic first birth with a 3b tear and operation I was petrified of giving birth again. I opted for an elective c section to try and get more control.
My elective c section went badly wrong.

My partner and I decided to start trying for a baby and were very lucky to fall pregnant quite quickly. I had morning sickness but I was never sick – a very normal and healthy pregnancy. I never made a birth plan to save disappointment and my midwife fully supported this.