Heidi’s story
I went into labour with my first child on a Sunday morning, and managed well through the day at home. By the evening the contractions were becoming more painful, and being unsure, we went into hospital. I was examined and told that I was only 2cm dilated, so not in proper labour yet, which felt very demoralising after a day of contractions. I stayed in hospital but there was a shortage of midwives for that shift, so was left alone with my husband for most of Sunday night. With no support or encouragement I found the pain very hard to cope with, especially as labour was not progressing.
When I asked for an epidural in the early hours of the morning I was told there weren’t enough midwives for me to have the one to one care this needed, so I had to wait. Having not slept at all I was exhausted and things became a bit of a blur, but I remember asking again for an epidural and being told the anaesthetist was busy.
The midwife then finally decided as labour wasn’t progressing that she would break my waters. She tried once and couldn’t do it, so fetched someone else. When it was done my contractions got very strong, and the anaesthetist finally came to do the epidural, as it was obvious that I wasn’t coping. That’s when things started to go wrong very quickly – the baby’s heart rate had slowed right down, and as I was still only 3cm dilated, the doctor decided to do an emergency Caesarean. Suddenly the room was full of people rushing around, but giving no reassurance, so I was left feeling so scared that I was shaking, and completely helpless.
When they started the Caesarean the epidural wasn’t working yet, and I was in agony, but they couldn’t wait because of the baby’s heartrate being so low. The anaesthetist was sat next to me, encouraging me and being so supportive; I wouldn’t have managed it without her, and I still remember her face. My baby was fine, but I was so traumatised by the whole experience that it took time for me to bond with her – she didn’t feel like ‘my’ baby at first. The post-natal care was not good either. I was left to get on with it, didn’t know what I was doing, and couldn’t really move around. I left hospital 3 days later as soon as I could, but was so exhausted and traumatised that it lasted for months and grew into depression for a while. Even a few years later I couldn’t go into a hospital without a feeling of panic.
So when I was pregnant again I was determined to have a vaginal birth, helped by a lovely community midwife who supported and encouraged this decision. I was scared, but prepared better by learning Active Birth methods, so I could feel in control of labour. And it was a completely different experience! Contractions started at 7am, and were very frequent all morning. I went into hospital at 2pm and was 7cm dilated. Using relaxation techniques helped me stay in control and gas/air managed the pain. My baby was born at 4pm, after 10 minutes of pushing. I couldn’t believe it was over so fast, having been told that it would be a long labour because of the Caesarean. I wasn’t that tired after, felt relaxed and could enjoy having my baby. This was a different hospital, and the midwives were so supportive until I went home the next morning.
I didn’t know that labour could be so positive and empowering, and I hope this encourages people that it can still happen like that second time, even when the first time has been so bad.
